Another Saturday at Wal-Mart

I love diversity in the world.  That is not to say that I love all people, but I do appreciate the vast array of people that populate this planet.  Without the differing ethnic, religious, and regional differences the world would be a very boring place.  Might be safer to a degree, but boring none the less.  I know we all have our biases, but think about this; would we be better off without any specific group?

The simple answer to this question is..... I'll make my point and you can decide for yourselves.

I was going to make this whole point by simply pasting the web address to the "People of Wal-mart" site.  But the more I thought about it the more I wanted to share a particular experience with you. Oh, the web address is http://www.peopleofwalmart.com.

Last Saturday I was bored.  Anna Grace was behaving nicely so I decided to make the journey out into the world.  Sadly, the most exciting place I could think to go (it was 147 degrees outside) was Wal-mart. I knew going in that it was not going to be problem free.  Gracie usually decides to go into meltdown mode at about the mid-point of most shopping trips now.  She thinks she should be able to roam free or help do the shopping.  I truly hope I figure out how to give the "look" that my father used to give me and Kelly.  If I don't...let's just say we will be spending a lot of time at home.

Anyway, as we make our way into the store I notice that the parking lot is PACKED. Looking back it was a lot like a horror film.  The teenage kid hears a noise and goes looking for the source. He totally ignores the creepy music playing and ends up at the end of a chainsaw, knife, cleaver, etc.  In other words; I should have seen the mess coming.  How did I miss the fact that it is "back-to-school" season?

So I hit this wall of people; people with no chins, uni-brows, and mullets and the loud rattle from a sea of mouth breathers.  A 17 year old buying packs of crayons for the third grade. A 16 year old mom walking around with the 30 year old grandma picking out school clothes for her 5 year old.  Uncle Daddy helping his three eyed son/daughter (I could not tell which) pick out notebook paper.  One thing I did happen to notice was the suspicious lack of "college" ruled paper up here. It all would have been very entertaining if I was sure whatever was going on was not contagious. I was just hoping that no one would bump into us.

As we wound our way through the chinless, a little girl took notice of Gracie. She would smile and Anna Grace would giggle. She would hide her face behind her hands and AG would cackle.  I have to admit that it was cute and it was keeping the impending meltdown at bay.  That was until the girl's parents popped up.  Now, the little girl was probably seven or eight years old, dressed in a cute sun dress, and what I would describe as mousy. You know; thin, smallish, long brown hair, and dark eyes. The only way I can think to describe the parents is....well....NOT mousy.

Mom was a solid 300 pounds.  Maybe solid is not the right word here but I think you get my meaning.  Cutoff denim shorts with a skin tight tank top on.  The kind of clothes that are designed to show off the FUPA (Fat Upon Pelvic Area) and the back breasts.  When you look at a woman's torso and can't tell front from back; well you get my meaning. She also had on flip flops that showed what I would describe as "green toe". Dad on the other hand had on his best Ga Bulldawg (UGA fans can't spell it right so why should I?) ensemble.  I love camouflage, don't you.  Well he did. Green camo ball cap (with the bent fish hook), brown camo UGA tank top, and tiger stripe BDU shorts. It was a sight to behold.  It was also obvious that his wife was stronger at the dinner table because you could see through the dude if the light hit him right. Now that the picture is set you should be able to predict what comes next.  That's right; they become fascinated with Gracie.

The lady walks up, and in her best Dawsonville-ese tells me that I sure have a "cute little youngin"! I thank her and tell her she gets it from her mama.  The dude laughs and says that's where his daughter got her looks too.  I almost asked how the beast with him was related to the little girl after that comment, but I was stopped by Fran the FUPA lady reaching out to touch my kid!  This is a no-no! I have watched Emilee backhand people for less aggressive actions toward our child.  Someone remind me to write about the "Great Kroger Beatdown of 2010". But I was too slow and too stunned to move.  Fran reached over and pinched Gracie on the cheek. As I was waiting for the area affected to decay and peel off , AG shot the lady a look of disgust and let out a wail! I was so proud of her.  The FUPA lady scampered off and I was able to complete the rest of the trip in relative peace. At least until the next trip.

On another note...Does anyone know what to do when your kid starts cutting a second row of teeth?  Emilee swears this kid should have her own special episode during Shark Week.

Keep Smiling,

Rob