But I Don't Wanna Go!

Emilee decided last minute not to have the kid. At least that is what she was telling me at about 2:30 PM on Sunday. She decided that Anna Grace was just fine where she was and there was no good reason for Emilee to go to the hospital "just to have her rip me a new one". It took a little convincing but Emilee decided to call the hospital to make sure her room was ready. When she received the answer, "we are all ready for you", she went pale. "I guess we have to go, they are waiting for me".

So we headed out for the journey that awaited us. Well the journey that Emilee was about to start. I just get to sit and watch and offer an encouraging word or two; all while dodging flying objects! So we loaded the car and headed to North Fulton. Of course we figure out half way to the hospital that we forgot pretty much all of my stuff. Good thing this was planned, I might have forgotten to bring Emilee with me if this had happened spontaneously!

We get to the hospital around 4:15 PM and are told to "go ahead and pick your room." What great service, we get to pick our room! I am thinking that obviously my fame has preceded us and they know we are to be treated like MVP's. That lasted about 30 seconds, just long enough for the nurse to advise us that we are the only ones in the whole section. WOW! They cleared it out just for us, talk about star treatment. Brittany Spears would have been envious.

The nurse (Tracy) informs us that she has to go to the pharmacy to get the Cervadil. No idea if I spelled it right, I just went phonetically. So she returns a few minutes later and pulls a shoestring out from a box. It really did look like a shoestring. She then informs us that she will be placing this behind Em's cervix. This is so the cervix can "ripen", and start to move into position to deliver the baby. Emilee gets into position and Tracy starts to place the "shoestring" by basically putting her entire arm into Emilee. I was reminded of the line from Fletch..."Using the whole fist Doc?"

As Emilee tried to keep her eyeballs from bulging out of their sockets Tracy worked diligently to place the medicine. Afterwards Emilee confided in me that she was pretty sure that Tracy was trying to place the string somewhere closer to her throat, but Tracy finally seemed happy with where the string had been placed. Then out of nowhere the contractions began. At 9:45 PM they were 5 minutes apart and about 45 to 60 seconds on duration. Now we (royal we here) settled in for the long night.

We got a little sleep! About 3 hours, and then the contractions really started to kick in. Emilee described the pain simply as " a huge knife that your daughter is jamming into my back and twisting. Oh, and imagine the worst cramps you have ever felt sucking that knife ever deeper into my back and into my thighs." So Emilee started the fun part with out me!

Around 3:45 AM Emilee announced that we would not be having other children, as she was pretty sure that "all of this" was not worth it. So Emilee had been in labor for about 8 hours at this point and was already calling to plan my vasectomy. But that all changed shortly, the nurse informed her that she could have a little relief; Fentanyl.

Fentanyl is a drug related to morphine, and it worked. Emilee got all glassy eyed and was able to get some relief and a few little naps between contractions. That left me alone to think for a few minutes, and we all know how dangerous that can be when I am left unsupervised. I did not get too deep into my subconscious though. I left the thoughts to helping and supporting Emilee over the next many hours. That and how I was going to exact my revenge on the sadist that designed the "reclining chair/bed".

I have no idea who designed this thing, but they never sat in it after they did. I am also pretty sure that this person was the offspring of The Marque' de Sade and the bastard that designed the first sofa bed. If I ever have the need to torture or extract information out of anyone I am getting one of these for the purpose. But again, my discomfort paled greatly in comparison to that of my wife. She was suffering, but she wanted to do so quietly so she would not bug the nurses! I would have been hitting the call button non-stop. She took it all like a champ.

At around 6:00 AM the nurse came in and removed the Cervadil and started the Pitocin. That's when the "fun" really started. Pitocin speeds up, strengthens, and lengthens the contractions. It is also the drug that made me feel the most useless. There is my wife, who I been able to fix in the past, in a miserable state every two minutes for 30-45 seconds at a time. All I can do is watch. Nothing I do helps. Makes you feel pretty worthless. AND, she'll always be able to pull the "I was in labor with your child for 72 hours" card.

I get to watch this for another three hours until Dr. Seigel shows up to give us an update. Now Emilee is at 5 cm and Doctor is ready to break the water. So he takes a Q-Tip that is about six feet long and places it in to break the amniotic sac. The water breaks clear and free of meconium, and all is good in the world. And then the contractions kick in even worse! Now Em is in pure panic mode.

Then the savior in scrubs shows up. That's right, the anesthesiologist. I am pretty sure that as I write this she is thinking of naming our son after him if we ever have a son. Emilee went from tired, scared, and hurting to smiling, restful, and ready to take on the world. I don't think she would feel that way if she saw the needle that he jammed into her back. A quick reference is a tee-ball bat with a sharp point on it. And then he filed something that looked like dental floss and pumped some medicine through. Emilee thought the skies had parted and the world was full of rainbows.

At 12:30 PM Emilee was dilated at 10 cm and the RN could feel the top of the head outside of the cervix. She was now ready to have a baby....


Stay Safe,

Rob

D-Day Plus 1

So there we were yet again, Matt, Shane, and me sitting at lunch at Cazadores on Wednesday. We have all been in there 1000 times together, but it was a reference that made it sink in how long we have been friends. Tony, the owner, came by to say hello and shake our hands when he saw us sitting there. As he came up he said "the three friends in here again, I've been seeing you three in here for 20 years together". And he was almost right! I think we all started going in there regularly about the time I hit 20 or 21. So 17-18 years at least! I tell stories about some really fun times in my life by starting off with..."we started off at Cazadores, remember".

Anyway, Matt and I are sitting waiting on Shane and talking about work and the other current events in our lives, but seemingly avoiding the elephant in the room; 1 day to launch. Well one day to the scheduled launch date anyway. For those of you lost right now I am talking about the impending end of my life, uh I mean the birth of my first child. And then he hits me with the question...."You ready?"

I simply replied "ready for what". At this point he smiled and I gave a nervous laugh. And then I explained the following to him; I am scared numb! That is the only way I can describe it. I have not been able to concentrate on anything for the past two weeks. Twice in the last week I could not find the power cord to my laptop, and it was in the SAME compartment of my backpack that the computer was in. I have even forgotten Anna Grace's name a couple of times when people ask what we are naming the baby!

Sleep deprivation has already started. I know it is going to get worse, but how does a person function when your brain takes a leave of absence? Most of the time it does not matter; I mean daily life is pretty benign, but what happens when I blank out when a life is in the line? Or worse yet, what happens when my daughter's well being is possibly compromised? Can I claim I forgot where I lived when they find me hiding out in Ketchikan?

Speaking of Ketchikan, I think I have figured out a nickname for Anna Grace...

So Shane finally shows up to lunch and we talk about the fears I have and then it hits me... I am the test pilot. I can see the sadistic enjoyment in the eyes of my friends; they want to watch and laugh at the "fun" I am about to have. They both are very excited for me and I know that I can call on them at anytime, but I know they'll be watching and secretly reveling in any minor pain that I feel.

This is also to be the last "pregnancy" blog. The next one will be the "labor" blog. After that it will be the "how much hair have Emilee and Rob ripped out blog". And now, a final pregnancy update.

We are at 40 weeks and 1 day as of today. The baby should weigh about 27 pounds (according to Emilee) when she is born and will probably come out walking. Emilee estimates that she has actually been pregnant for about 18 months now and that we may even be gestating some larger mammal such as a sperm whale. We are also pretty sure that we will not be able to fit her into any of the newborn clothes that have been so generously gifted and passed down.

On a serious note, Emilee has "dropped" her mucous plug, but that is pretty much the only thing that has happened to show any kind of progression. Even her mom has commented that Emilee is the most boring pregnant person she has ever met. We are going to North Fulton on Sunday afternoon to have the induction process started, and have been told that we should be actual parents some time on Monday. I promise you guys that we will keep you informed!

Keep Smiling,

Rob

It's Never Going To Happen

I just wanted to give you guys a quick update on the Boz Baby Watch 2010.

We are pretty sure that things are going backwards. This past week at Emilee's OB appointment we were told that she was now at 1 centimeter dilated. That is correct, we are going the wrong way. So much so that the OB told us that the chances of Emilee delivering by her due date are slim to none. He actually set up an induction date of 3/1.

So, I will keep ya'll updated if there are any changes.

Keep Smiling,

Rob

Waiting For The Timer To Pop Out

So here we are, 11 days away from the estimated due date. The problem with that date however is that only 3 to 5 percent of all babies worldwide are born on their due date. Should be called the "over/under" date, or the "your wife will be in true misery a couple of weeks prior to date". The waiting is AWFUL! Kind of like waking up every morning to see if today is Christmas or not. I wish we just knew the exact date is what I am trying to say. Or, I wish she had a pop up timer like a Thanksgiving turkey.

I would like to take a minute to say Thanks! Thanks to all of the drunk, stoned, and stupid folks that tend to show themselves during our occasional trips into the winter wonderland. Thank you for driving your $75,000 vehicles into telephone poles. Thank you for trying to show your grand kids how to sled down the driveway, even if it is only half covered in ice and snow. Thank you for making us risk our lives (PD, FD, & EMS) because you don't value your own. If you valued your life, you would be sitting at home by the fire!

We also learn other things during these fun weekends. We learn that if a 40,000 pound fire engine hits black ice and goes SIDEWAYS on I-285 a calm driver can save it before anyone gets hurt. We learn that EMS professionals can avoid death by inches when the car they are helping get a patient out of gets slammed into by one of the assholes that think that ice is "not too bad". And finally we learn that there needs to be a boat load of chlorine added to the gene pool.

OK, off the soap box... Emilee is miserable. I don't envy her one bit right now. I have a hard time buying into the BS that gets spun about how "beautiful it is to carry a child" and "pregnancy is the most amazing experience". Emilee is in pain, sick, and tired all of the time. And all because of "how beautiful" pregnancy is. I know I am supposed to be in awe of the whole thing right now, but I want my wife back.

I am not deluded enough to think that my life will ever be the same again. I am very well aware of the impending changes that have already started and are going to continue to shape my life when the bundle of joy (a.k.a. 7-10 pound hellion) arrives. But I do want my wife to be able to walk, get dressed, and tie her own shoes again. I want her to be able to roll over in bed on her own, and I want her to feel good again. I want there to be peace and quiet.

HA HA HA! I just said peace and quiet with a new born on the way. Man I am so.....


Keep Smiling,

Rob

2 Centimeters and Thinning Nicely

For any of you that have had the experience of watching your wife during her OB appointments, you know it is not always the most comfortable viewing. The doctors are always, or have been in our case, professional and appropriate. But there is something about seeing your wife with her legs in the air and another man involved that is a little unsettling; even if it is to check how the whole pregnancy thing is progressing. Fortunately Emilee has not found any more doppler/ultrasound/spelunking equipment for us to try to track things at home.

At least we like the Obstetricians we have visited. More importantly Emilee likes them. Although, when she was at her appointment last week and she told the OB she had an upper respiratory infection with a sinus infection and he answered "sucks to be you!" I think she would have kicked him in the teeth if he would have stayed in range long enough. She even warned him against doing this again at this week's visit. He promised to play nice.

In the long run though I know it is the nurses that will make the difference in the L&D. I mean they do all of the work then the doc shows up for the credit and the pay check right? So I just hope that the nurses have their act together. They will be the ones that get us settled, make sure we don't lose our minds, and hopefully keep me out of trouble. I just don't want Emilee to have to give me any looks during labor. But I am sure I will get more than a couple of them.

So this weeks appointment was an introduction into something new. Emilee, notice I did not say we, had her dilation status checked. Enter the man and your wife's legs up in the air. I do not care that I have been in this position 312 times throughout the infertility leg and now the fertile leg of this experience; it is still not the most comfortable position to be in. Actually Emilee's is probably not the most comfortable position, but I digress. So the man in the white coat does his thing and gives us the news....

"You are 2 centimeters dilated and thinning nicely". He says all of this with a big smile. At this point Emilee looks at him and asks him where exactly her cervix is located because she is pretty sure that he is checking her diaphragm. The look on her face during all of this was heart breaking. I am pretty sure she has a new found respect for where the cervix is located, I know I do.

So everything is going "perfectly to plan" according to the doctor. Again, no one that has worked in L&D or with OB's thinks Em is going to term. I personally think the date is going to be Feb 11th. But anytime before V-Day would be perfect. I mean what better distraction for missing a Hallmark holiday than a new kid.

Keep Smiling,

Rob