The Hamburger

First of all, I would like to thank all of the guys that did not have the stones to show me your support by posting a comment. I received many emails and face to face comments about how many of you felt the same way and did the same things; just not where anybody other than the wife could read it. For those of you that demanded a package check, I can promise you that the wedding tackle is still intact and producing plenty of testosterone. Maybe not the same levels Emilee had before she got pregnant, but plenty none the less. But I digress.

Busy news week here at pregnancy central. As you can see, I have taken the poll down. I have done so because those at North Fulton who already know the answer are now logging in to cast their votes. Kinda reminds you of North Korea does it not? Anyway, another series of underground ultrasounds has given us a projected winner. And the winner is....

That reminds me of a story. Just Kidding!

During her underground ultrasound on Saturday morning something showed up, or maybe nothing showed up. Emilee's crack team of ultrasound investigators noticed the gender of the baby! They even tried to show her what was going on but she swears that she couldn't tell what she was looking at. I think she knew long before I found out, but she is sticking to her story that we found out together. Anyway, when I got off of work I came by the hospital so we could find out. We went into one of the open offices and were told the news. We are having a hamburger!

Those of you with an active imagination may already have this little caper solved. For those that don't, I will give you one more clue. If you have a hamburger, you probably don't want one of these.......a hotdog. Yes that is correct; the kid does not have a hotdog. So I will start using the proper pronoun for the occasion and start referring to it as HER. We are told that they (the crack team of ultrasound investigators) are about 95% sure.

Apparently we are having a daughter! Emilee, Jr. I like the sound of that name. Besides, many of the guys who have razed me on here think Emilee is the father anyway, so why not name the kid after her! I am under penalty of death and/or no more nookie if I announce the name. All I can say is it's not gonna be Shaneequa Shaquinta Bozicevich; unless she is black. I mean then we could give the girl a ..... wait a minute! Houston we have a problem!

SO like I said, big week. This news will lead me to all kinds of new topics for this blog. I can imagine writing about:

1. How to properly fit a Chastity Belt...10 tips for new fathers.
2. Is 35 to young to let your daughter start dating?
3. How to properly put the fear of God into your daughter's first date.
4. When is it safe to tell your daughter that boys aren't aliens that were just sent here
to run scientific experiments on her.
5. What am I going to do when she has me completely wrapped around her finger?

I welcome all comments and thoughts on the subject. I am especially looking forward to those that inform me of all the horror stories about teenage daughters. Come on, is it really ever to early to start to worry? I just hope that I survive Emilee for the next 6 months and then I can worry about the trials and tribulations I will suffer from BOTH of them. Did I mention Emilee's mood swings are back?


Stay Safe,

Rob

Poem To The Mother To Be

OK! It's official. I have lost my mind. I actually surfed poems from the baby to the mom. God help me! But I found one that I liked and wanted to share it, and give it as some encouragement to Emilee.

We have hit the 2nd trimester and we have been told that we are past all of the "unusual" risks that her PCOS could cause. Now we are just into all of the normal risks. But I wanted to tell her that I loved her and show her that I do think about her and the baby all of the time.

An Inch of Wonder (Karen O'Connor)

Though but an inch of wonder, Mom,
My heart beats rapidly.
And pretty soon my ears will hear
When Daddy sings to me.

This tiny thumb has found my mouth,
I know this must be home,
And when you rock me gently, Mom
I don't feel all alone.

It's getting cramped and when I kick
My Daddy laughs with joy,
Is that his hand caressing me?
Is he praying for a boy?

I sense your overwhelming pride,
But know you are afraid,
Our God will guide your every move,
Oh Mommy, it's okay.

Nine months feels like eternity,
I'm eager to be held,
And when they place me on your chest
Your heart will surely melt.

I understand, I am your first!
You fear this great "unknown,"
To me you'll be the greatest Mom
This world has ever known.

So be assured what waits for you,
As I resume to grow,
Will be the most enormous love,
That you will ever know.


Stay Safe,

Rob

I'm Really Pregnant? I'm Having a Baby?

Been kind of in a lull as far as doctor visits, tracking tornadoes, and buying weather tracking equipment goes. We are incubating nicely though. We hit 14 weeks this Thursday and all is well. This blurb describes what's up this week:

Your baby is still only about 3-4 inches long (9-11cm) and weighs between 1-2 ounces. This week, its neck begins to lengthen a bit and the fine body hair called lanugo continues to grow on other parts of his body from now until birth. Your baby begins to urinate into the amniotic fluid and also practices "breathing" the fluid into her lungs. In this week of pregnancy, your baby can also begin to move its fingers and make a fist.

I keep getting asked if I am going to deliver the baby. I will if I have to, but I think I am going to give Emilee a break on this one and let the pro's do it. But all of the asking reminded me of the times I have dealt with women who were about to burst, and I thought I would tell a little story.

Most of you have heard stories from me. I consider some of the situations we run into in EMS as a perk. Emilee and I really got to talking to each other because of a psych patient. You never know what or who you are going to run into on a daily basis; especially at 3 o'clock in the morning in the low rent district. Yes Sandy Springs has those too.

So here I am with my partner (Eva) responding to an abdominal pain call. We walk into a sparsely furnished apartment. There is an air mattress in the middle of the main room and one lamp for light. As we walk into the apartment I am directed to a smallish peculiar looking woman who is sitting in the corner. I remember thinking to myself that "no wonder her stomach hurts, she about 13 months pregnant."

I mean you could see the kids foot prints in her belly as he tried to communicate to the outside world that it was show time. But here is where the story turns. Not as bad as the little kid warning you that the fat person is backing up when a pager is going off, but it turns. So as I am lifting her shirt to expose her belly I ask her in a very sarcastic way if there is a chance she's pregnant. I can already hear her telling me she is overdue when she answers in a tinny voice "No, I'm not pregnant."

Normally I handle unexpected answers pretty well, but this one stumped me. I turned to Eva who just shrugged her shoulders and started to laugh at me as she told me that this patient was all mine. So I start with my typical history of her current condition (BTW, this was in May). Questions like: when was your last period (late August), when was the last time you were sexually active (late last summer), what time did the pain start (about 7 AM), can you describe it to me (crampy, off and on, and it gets closer together).

I was lost. It had been a really long day and I was doubting myself. I counted on my fingers to do the last menstrual cycle math. I asked her about 10 times if there was any way she was pregnant, if she had felt weird "movements" in her stomach. She did say she spent about 6 weeks being very nauseated in the early fall, and that she felt really bloated lately. I even called Northside's ER to make sure that I had not missed something REALLY big. Then I broke the news to her.

"We're not going to the ER; we are going to the L&D part of the hospital because you are having a baby!" Her affect was completely flat as she asked "I'm really pregnant, I'm having a baby?" I told her yes and we ran into the L&D. The only response I got from the nurse I gave the report to was "you've got to be Sh..ing me!" Unfortunately I wasn't. But fortunately the baby was fine and ended up in a good home. I know because I ran the same patient six months later and she thanked me for telling her she was having a baby.


Stay Safe,

Rob

The Car Trip

The wagon, the OldsmoBuick, the family van; all icons of American travel. How many great memories do we have of hours spent traveling down the interstate Griswold style? How many arguments about being on someone else's side of the seat? Close your eyes and think about the games you played in the car. Think about the great times you had with your family; AFTER the car trip of course.

Justin and I were talking about how your life supposedly ends after you get married and have kids. I of course would never propose that may life ended when I got married. Emilee and I have been on several trips and even managed to pull off the Alaska trip. But everything is supposed to stop when you have kids. Maybe Emilee and I can't travel by ourselves the way we have. Maybe we have to worry about our budget more than before. But maybe, just maybe we can figure out how to incorporate our love for trips into our family lifestyle.

I can remember our old silver Caprice Classic station wagon. I am sure that thing smelled something fierce by the time me, Mom, Kelly, and the Williams hit Orlando. But it was AWESOME. The back seats folded down and everyone had room to lay out in their sleeping bags. We played license plate bingo and other games designed to keep the trapped adolescents out of trouble. We loved driving the Mom's crazy asking "Are we there yet?" every fifteen minutes. And we loved stopping at the GA/FLA line to get a Coke at the rest stop.

I remember Ralph almost killing five of us, including Mom, when he decided that he could pass a tractor against heavy incoming traffic. His plan was to use to the accelerate button on the cruise control. But Mom stayed calm and got us all safely to spring break. We had a blast and by mid-week everyone was out of money. But Mom, demonstrating a woman's foresight, had collected $100 from everybody on the trip for "groceries". Everyone was singing the blues and mom whips out $100 for everyone. She saved the trip! I hope I am able to be a hero like that to my kids and their friends.

Some of you have seen the picture of the best fishing trip I have ever been on. My Dad took me, Mike Wilkins, his dad, and my grand dad out deep sea fishing. We were so worn out when we got back to the docks in Destin, but the day had been amazing. We caught over 500 lbs of amberjack and snapper and even got our picture in the paper. I look at the picture of the catch board after the trip on a regular basis and can still taste the salt in the air.

There are all kinds of things I fondly remember. Even trips Kelly was on! We had a great time as a family most of the time. Whether it was fishing in the Indian River, playing the billboard game, going to the Seafood Factory, or simply going on the Sunday drive that seemed to last for 3 weeks when you were 10 years old; we had a lot of good times as a family. We did not always get along, but we always came out better for our experiences.

We may have one kid or several, but I hope to share the same experiences with my kid/kids. I want them to know what it is like to be trapped in the car for an indeterminate length of time. I want them to know how to go 600 miles on 2 tanks of gas and one pit stop! Unfortunately with Emilee that will never happen. She ALWAYS has to pee!

I am listing out some things I want to experience with my children. If you see I have missed anything please feel free to suggest it in the comments.

Grand Canyon, Mt. Rushmore, Alaska, the beach, Disney, camping, fishing, Six Flags,
Wally World, the great lakes, the Atlantic, the Pacific, the Gulf, Maine, The Lost Sea,
Ruby Falls, Asheville, The Smokies, The Rockies, etc.....


Stay Safe,

Rob


P.S. Thanks Mom and Dad.

The Journey - It Costs WHAT? (Part 3 of 3)

Who among us has been in the situation of opening a menu and there are no prices listed? I know I have been. Immediately your heart falls into your stomach and you wonder if Citibank will let a few extra dollars slide onto your card. You know that you have entered the "If you have to ask, you can't afford it" zone, and are quite possibly set up for a very uncomfortable evening. Now multiply that feeling by 10 and you have an idea of what it feels like to get the ACRM "fertility menu".

A more appropriate acronym would be BABY, as in Bank Account Barren Yet? At least the menu is itemized. You can see how much it costs to clean your sperm, harvest an egg, or just buy one off of the black market. Just kidding about the black market thing, don't need an unnecessary law suit! Besides, I am pretty sure I signed a non-disclosure statement about that part. The bad part about the itemized list is that the prices don't look to bad on their own. Until you add all the little pieces up.

Just like the monthly trip to Publix adds up so does baby creation. "What do you mean the grocery bill was $312.98! The most expensive thing in the two carts was $6.78." Then you realize that it takes a lot of groceries to make dinner every night. Well so does IVF (In Vitro Fertilization). Imagine that you got to the checkout line and the bill is $20,000. PER MONTH of trying, and you have to do it every month until you conceive or give up. You would probably have the same reaction I did.

After the paramedics picked me up off the floor and I regained my color I had some questions. What is the chance that we will be successful on the first try? What are the side effects of the medicines Emilee will have to take? How many months does it usually take? Why don't I just take the 20k and run to Europe? I hear that you can have a great time in Bratislava for that kind of money. I was really shocked when I got smacked in the head by Emilee; apparently I had thought that last question out loud. But the doc had answers for all of it, and I did not like any of them.

We had it explained to us that there is about a 20% chance of conception and implantation for the first month. But good news, it goes up to 55% by your third attempt! So 60 grand in and I have worse odds than if I went and played the pass line on a Craps table. Plus, we could have a GREAT time in Vegas on $60,000. I mean think of all the food, shows, show girls... Ok, so not show girls, but you get the point. I mean I'm 38 and I really did not want a payment on a Porche Boxster and not have anything to show for it. So we decided to try something a little more cost effective first.

We tried Intra Uterine Insemination. We (Emilee) gets a bunch of shots and wand ultrasounds until they figure out when she is going to ovulate. So we nail the day she is going to spring an egg free, and just for good measure they give her a "trigger" shot to GUARANTEE that she ovulates the next day. We go in the next morning, and because I did not have 'Noid's insurance, I had to collect a sample for them to wash and insert. We go home and marinate and hope for the best. A week later Emilee goes in for the big news right? WRONG! She NEVER ovulated! So that was a happy $4,000 dollars spent to not even have the chance to get pregnant.

You can probably imagine our disappointment. We had tried everything up to the point of drilling into her ovaries for oil and nothing had worked. We were now over $8,000 in to the process and had nothing to show for it except that I now knew how to "collect a sample" standing up. No way in Hades I was sitting on anything in that room! Anyway, we were devastated. Emilee suggested we take a break and look at all of our other options. We even started to look at adoption because we figured if we were going to have to pay $50,000 to $100,000 for a baby we might as well know what we were getting.

As a last ditch effort Emilee started going to an acupuncturist. I was all for it. The 1.5 billion Chinese must have been doing something right for 5,000 years. I even pictured the little old man with the long flowing kung-fu beard and the little Confucian temple. So when I dropped her off at a house in Alpharetta and she was met by a 40 something white lady I was a little disappointed. We definitely were not disappointed with the results though. Six weeks after starting we were pregnant. Emilee even half way fondly remembers the herbal teas that she had to drink. I give her a lot of credit, most of them tasted like feet.

So you are up to speed now on how we made it to this point. We are both happy to answer any questions anyone may have about the process. It made us stronger as a couple and I hope makes us stronger as a family in the long run. By the way, where is Bratislava?


Stay Safe,

Rob

Might As Well Start Budgeting For Braces Now

Well we are now 12 weeks into the pregnancy and Emilee seems to develop some new abdominal syndrome every day. One day she's sure she has appendicitis, the next it's gall stones. The doctors she talks to at work tell her it is just ligament pain due to the stretching of her uterus and all of it is normal. But do you think she believes them? Those of you that know Emilee know her imagination is way too active for it to be that simple.

The great thing about the 12 week mark is that all of those blob like things on the ultrasounds are starting to come into focus. Yes, she did another underground ultrasound today. Emilee promises me that radio waves are not harmful to the baby in any way. But when the kid comes out with a third eye I am going to have my suspicions. Anyway, some cool stuff popped up today.

Unfortunately I need to start the budget process for the orthodontist because you can see the kid sucking its thumb! I was going to attach a video, but even I can't tell what is going on in it. The baby has formed hands and feet which are also distinguishable. On the ultrasound you can also see the ears, spine, and eye sockets. I was not able to be there for the one this morning so Emilee had to give me the run down. Apparently the baby turned and fanned its hands and might have even given them the finger! SURE the radio waves have no effects.

I can't tell you how amazing it has been to watch all of this happen. I guess you really don't appreciate many things in this life until they happen in your life specifically. I do know that my appreciation for God and his working in my life has grown tremendously. I thank him every day for the blessings in my life and the opportunities and experiences he has given me.

It is hard to believe that 12 weeks ago this all started with two pink lines. I wrote a letter the day we found out; June 22, 2009. I felt like sharing it with you now.

Hello, I found out about you today! We have been trying for a long time to have you. Your mom and I are so happy. You will never understand the joy you have brought us just by being two pink lines!

We won’t even know if you are a boy or a girl for a few weeks, but I wanted you to know that it does not even matter. You will be loved by your Mom and me no matter what. This letter is my promise to you to love you and to do my best. I cannot promise that I will always get it right, but I promise you that I will always do what I feel is in your best interest.
I know at this moment that you will love, hate, fear, and worship me at different stages in your life. I can promise you that I had the same feelings for my Dad when I was growing up. But I now know that he did everything he could to raise me the best way he knew. You will get perspective as you get older, I know I did.

I will be a big pain in your ass, but I will be your biggest supporter. I will be there to scold you, but I will also be there to encourage you. I can also pretty much guarantee that I will embarrass you to the point of wanting to crawl under a rock at some time, and I will also make you proud of me. But I will love you more for all of it and I hope you understand that one day.

Thanks again for the joy you are bringing us.

Love,
Dad


Stay Safe,

Rob

The Journey - PCOS (Part 2 of 3)

Pretty Costly Ovarian Syndrome, at least that's what it should be called. It actually stands for Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome. Here is a quick explanation of PCOS courtesy of WebMD:

Polycystic ovary syndrome (say "pah-lee-SIS-tik OH-vuh-ree SIN-drohm") is a problem in which a woman’s hormones are out of balance. It can cause problems with your periods and make it difficult to get pregnant. PCOS may also cause unwanted changes in the way you look. If it is not treated, over time it can lead to serious health problems, such as diabetes and heart disease.

Polycystic ovary syndrome (or PCOS) is common, affecting as many as 1 in 15 women. Often the symptoms begin in the teen years. Treatment can help control the symptoms and prevent long-term problems.

1 in 15, that is 6% of the female population. I knew Emilee was a rare catch, but this was an unexpected development as far as the pregnancy was concerned. At least we were able to get it diagnosed and start treatment for it. Of course treatment consists of things that the Docs "think" will work. She started to take oral diabetic medicines and change her diet up a little bit. She started to take an aspirin day. But of course nothing seemed to work. She decided to get more aggressive.

She started to chart her temperatures every day, she started to chart all kinds of readings that required different sensors and probes, she even started to use about 67 ovulation predictor kits each month. Of course we had to get on a schedule for everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. The alarm clock would go off everyday at 4:30 AM just so she could take her temperature. The best part of that whole deal was that she would just hit the snooze button until she got up at 5:30. So I got to wake up 6-7 different times every morning, and all we figured out was that she never ovulated the same time each month.

A quick word about ovulation predictor kits. Part of the issue with PCOS is that it throws the normal ebb and flow of female hormone off kilter. Because of this issue the predictor kits are about worthless. Emilee would take them for two weeks straight and they would be positive for two days, negative for three, positive for 4 more, then negative for a day, and then positive, so on and so forth. I think we kept the kit company in business, even the CVS people knew us by sight.

And then the real fun started. After eight months of trying it the "old fashioned way" we decided to take the next step. Emilee went to her OB/Gyn and started to take Clomid. Clomid helps regulate a woman's menstrual cycle. SO, the hope was that the medication would regulate her ovulation cycle and then we could time EVERYTHING more effectively. Well guess what? It did not work either! The best part of the Clomid experience was her moods. WOW! Not saying anything else because I know she reads this, just WOW!

We started testing for different fertility problems. I went first. Kind of a weird experience. You get locked into a room and you do what guys have been doing for ages. You watch Sport Center, right? Anyway, you give a sample and they analyze it. I was really hoping that I would have the problem. It is often much easier to treat for male infertility issues than it is for females. Good news, bad news ... I was OK.

So we started to set up tests for Emilee. She had blood taken, pee collected, I think they even took toe nail clippings. She had tests done that checked her ovaries. She had tests to check her uterus. She even had tests to check her thyroid levels, and they had already ripped it out. Guess what? Everything looked normal so we went back to dealing with the PCOS issue and the treatments they "thought" would work. After all the above, we still had to go the true specialists; The Atlanta Center For Reproductive Medicine (ACRM).

To be continued...


Stay Safe,

Rob



P.S. Just to give you an estimate we were about $3,500 out of pocket going into the ACRM
phase.

The Journey - The Beginning (Part 1 of 3)

Ever since we found out Emilee was pregnant we have been on cloud nine. I never realized how something that seems so natural could be so mind altering. I do not mean mind altering in a LSD kind of way, I mean attitude altering. Our lives instantly became brighter and happier. Our friends and families instantly knew that something was up. It was impossible to hide our inner joy, but only some of you know the whole story.

Some of you were there for the play by play of our infertility journey, but many of you have no idea as to what we went through. I have wanted to share our path to pregnancy with everyone. I want to share with you the difficulties and the heartbreaks of infertility. I hope that this story gives those that got pregnant by just "holding hands"(Steve)an appreciation for how easy it was for you. I want it give hope to those that think it is never going to happen for them.

Emilee and I had of course discussed children before I asked her to marry me. I had started to write them off actually. I wasn't getting any younger and I liked my life the way it was. Who wants to be 60 and changing diapers? Not me. I figured I would still be finding ways to avoid the big relationship and enjoying whatever semblance of a life I had meted out. But she changed all of that.

Her desire soon flamed my own. I wanted to have children. It did not start off that way though. I almost "killed" our relationship six months in because I did not know if I wanted kids. Then it just got to the point that I was telling her what she wanted to hear. But as I got closer to her and we grew together I realized that I did want to have children and a family. Not that a husband and wife aren't a family, I just started to picture ours with a couple of yard apes destroying everything they touched.

So we decided to get started. Then we found out Em had cancer. We found out about a month after we were married. She had her thyroid removed due to some other issues and they biopsied it as a matter of protocol. So when it came back malignant it shocked the (fill in expletive) out of us. Emilee had to go through the radioactive iodine treatment and we were supposed to postpone our plans for six months. So in true medical professional fashion we decided not to wait.

I look back now and am glad we did not get pregnant immediately. I worry enough about the radio waves she fires off the kid's brain on a regular basis. I can't imagine what Chernobyl inspired wreck we would have produced if we had conceived right after her treatment. We probably would have been happy if the only problems had been flippers!

So we tried for a few months on our own. we tried to time her cycles and give ourselves the best opportunity we could. Unfortunately we were unable to do it on our own. So she went to her Endocrinologist and explained to him what our situation was. I think he gave her the best advice out of any of the doctors. He told her we should go have sex in a trailer park. His simple reasoning for this was;"everyone gets pregnant in the trailer park." Pretty outstanding advice I thought. Maybe we needed a Camaro and not a Mustang because it did not work either. So we had to move on to the next phase of our journey; the battle with PCOS.

To be continued...

***NOTE TO EMILEE'S/ROB'S MOM - The Mustang incident is a complete fabrication and was only added to entertain the reader!***

Housekeeping

Hello all! Just wanted to do a little blog housekeeping.

First of all, I want to thank Justin Gates. He is not the first person I know to start a blog, but his enjoyment in it got me thinking about doing my own. Thanks man.

For those of you that are unfamiliar with how to leave a comment, it is simple. First you click on the comments section at the bottom of each blog. Second you find the comment box. Third, you type in your comment. Fourth, you select how you want to post; anon., google id, etc. Last you submit the comment. Easy!

I have received some complaints about some of the language in the comments. Now I do not believe in censorship for the blocking of ideas, but I do ask that we try to keep it PG-13. We are adults but I catch the flak, so be creative not crass.

Thanks again for all of the support. I have received some really wonderful emails, calls, and compliments about the site and I greatly appreciate it.

Stay Safe,

Rob

I'm Pretty Sure Those Are Flippers

Just so you all know, I looked. I looked everywhere I could think of as a matter of fact. Acoustics R Us, Doppler World, Best Buy, and even Ebay did not have it. I did find one on Absolute Medical's website, but I thought that $112,000 was a little out of my budget. Plus they did not have 12 months same as cash. If ya'll are lost; I am talking about an ultrasound machine. Figure it's about time to upgrade from the doppler since we are getting further into the pregnancy.

Since I failed so miserably, Emilee has taken matters into her own hands. She simply has someone at work shoot the pics. I normally just shake my head and mutter something about warping the kid's brain from all of the sound waves bouncing off of it. So when we had to run out to her work to pick up some jeans that one of the past pregnant was loaning her she vanished. I lost her for about 10 minutes, and then she came flying around the corner to tell me to follow her. PRONTO! When I asked where we were going I got look #17 (do what your told, no questions asked) and promptly followed.

I was lead into a dark room with a TV screen as its only light. One of the other nurses was in there and I realized I was in for a lesson. I was going to get schooled in the art of the underground ultrasound. Underground because I am sure I will be advised to lie to the midwife/doc next time we go in for an ultrasound. I mean I can't just shout out "last week when we were looking at it the head looked more like ET than it does today". So Emilee lay onto the table and the show started. At least there was no wand needed for this one.

I will admit that it is getting easier to identify the parts, well the uterus and the fetus anyway. It still looks like organized static for the most part, but the other nurse was able to point some things out. We now have an easily defined head, back, arms, and legs. Although I am not too sure they are arms, but more on that in a minute. She even made the remark that everything looked well proportioned and that she could make out the ear holes. Ear lobes don't totally develop for another few weeks. It was really neat to see the baby and how peaceful it looked in utero. Then the most awesome thing I have seen yet happened; it moved!

It started doing flips, dips, bends, and stretches. It even started to "swim" across the screen. It looked like the arms were fluttering up and down to propel the kid all over the place. And then I had a strange thought. Those stubs really don't look like arms, in fact I'm pretty sure those are flippers. The image on the screen looked nothing like a kid. It looked more like...a manatee!

Now I am a lover of animals, marine life in particular, but I don't know how well I would handle having to shop at Inland Seafood for our baby formula. You want to think that love conquers all, but I am not sure I could learn the click and posture language of the sea cow. I am sure I could learn how to measure the proper salinity for the pool, but where would we keep the fresh sardines. Pretty standard concerns I thought. I looked away from the screen and at Emilee and I realized immediately that I had actually been thinking out loud. She just shook her head and said "you will love our baby whatever kind of mammal it is."

Fortunately we had someone with us who could interpret the images and my fears were allayed. The arms were perfectly normal for this stage of development and everything else looks human too!

Stay Safe,

Rob

*I have kept names out of this to protect the guilty/innocent. Please remember that everything in this blog is fabricated if it can get anyone into trouble.

Pink or Blue

It seems that everyone has their crystal ball moment when you tell them you are having a baby. It does not matter how well you know someone, they always have a prediction as to the sex of the child. I hope that sex and child don't get flagged by some Cray supercomputer in D.C. because I am talking about gender, not something sinister. We should have kept a record of everyone's predictions; we could have even put odds on it and the date. As of this blog, I can say that about 80% of those with an opinion have said it will be a boy.

That includes Kiefer who states he is 18/19 when it comes to predicting such things. He also says he bases it on position. I don't want to know why he was wrong the one time! Emilee also thinks it will be a boy. She had an experience with a blue balloon the day we found out she was pregnant. While that may be a little too American Beauty'ish for me, I have a hard time going against a woman's intuition. I personally think it is going to be a girl. What could cause me more headache and heartache 15 years from now? I mean you can beat a boy whereas a girl just wraps you tighter. But regardless of what everybody thinks they all want to know one thing...what do you and Emilee want?

We have talked about it many times and have come to the same conclusion. We don't care. All we want is ten fingers and ten toes. Plus one if it's a boy. We want a healthy, pink, screaming baby. One that we know will survive the first time we drop it, and let's face it we all get dropped. One that will survive the SIDS timeline. One that will survive licks in the face by the dogs. And one that will survive to make us wonder why we ever had the kid in the first place.
So gender is not as important to us as it might be to others.

I guess if I really had everything the way I wanted it we would have a girl until the age of 9 and then she would magically metamorphous into a boy. Girls are supposed to mature faster, but boys seem to be more manageable in the teen years. Girls seem to be sweet and innocent until they hit puberty and are then hell on wheels. I can teach a boy a work ethic and how to be a gentleman. Plus I only have to worry about one penis if we have a boy. We all know we have to worry about all of them if it's a girl.

I don't worry about activities because they are going to be active no matter what they are. Be it sports, arts, or the outdoors my kids are going to be forced to be active. If I don't have time for the Wii then why should they? I am going to make sure that I do the things I wished my Dad had done. They will learn to camp and hike. To enjoy nature and everything she offers. They will play a sport (except basketball). They will play in a league that keeps score! Losing is more important than winning when building character. And they need to learn that life is not fair and is easier if you work as a team. Everyone gets beat, it's how you keep moving forward that makes us who we are.

I just hope and pray that whether it is a boy or girl it knows we love them. That we are able to show them how badly we wanted them in our lives. And I hope that one day that we have raised them well enough to strike out on their own. OH! And to want to take care of me because I'll be in diapers not long after we get them out of them.

Stay Safe,

Rob

Don't Tell Her...She'll Think I'm Crazy

OK, so here we are in week 11 of the pregnancy, or week 9. I get confused. They don't measure time the way I thought they did. First of all, you have to know what the last day of the menstrual cycle was before conception. Then they add 14 days to find out the date of conception. Now here is where I got lost, the docs actually track the pregnancy from the last day of the menstrual cycle. So 11 weeks pregnant actually equals 9 weeks since conception. So apparently Emilee was pregnant before Sage/Kharma was ever conceived! Cool huh? Whoever figured this little bit of math out must have gone to public school in Clayton County!

Anyway, we had another OB appointment today. We get there and Emilee, who has peed four times already this morning, spends ten minutes in the bathroom trying to produce a specimen. When asked why she "just didn't wait till we got here" I get another one of the looks that I am cataloging in this series. I guess you have to strain it out for it to give an accurate reading. Must have missed that day in paramedic school. We are then led back to one of the rooms.

While we are waiting for the midwife to come in, I ask her if we should tell the midwife that we have a doppler and have been able to hear the baby (and track tornadoes). Yet another look and the answer I get every time she wants to lie to or withhold information from the doctor..."Don't tell her about it, she'll think I'm crazy". Unfortunately I have heard this or some version of it many times. All of this from a nurse, and one that gets ticked off when the patients lie or withhold information from her. But then again they probably don't want her to think that they are crazy either. But what do I know?

So in walks Jill. Actually her name is Amanda, but we both did a double take because she looks like Jill Gilliam's twin sister. Amanda is the midwife we met with today. We really liked her, very peppy and very positive. We get to meet all of the practitioners in the practice so we recognize the lucky one that is on call the day Galahad/Odelia is born. Sorry Em, I know you said no more names (I just can't help it). I like the idea. You don't have a complete stranger coming in to deliver and possibly run off with your newborn.

Amanda tells us that she is very excited to meet us and that she has a surprise for us. She is going to use doppler to check the baby's heartbeat. Now the look I get is one that expresses both "please don't tell" and "remember, you have to go to sleep sometime". I REALLY want to say something. Especially after she tells us that there is no need to get concerned if we don't hear anything. I almost burst, especially since it took her a couple of minutes to find the pulse. I think I may need stitches from biting on my tongue instead of yelling out "hey Emilee, just show her the spot you start from". Fortunately for me Amanda found the pulse and I was saved. Emilee looked so relieved too, and not just about my not spilling the beans. Amanda told us that everything was going perfectly, which is exactly what you want to hear.

I just hope I can stay quiet when we go in for the Ultrasound.

Stay Safe,

Rob