The Piranha

In the fish tank that is a pre-school classroom there is one that lurks and waits.  There is the one who does not need provocation, but simply opportunity.  One, that in a moment’s notice will strike the unsuspecting.  One that will make all other parents worry about the next bite.  One that makes their own parents wonder where they went wrong.  The Piranha.

 When you look at the smile and the sweet face you would not suspect her.  When you hear her giggles and her laughter, you wouldn’t think twice.  When she cuddles into your shoulder you have no clue. But, Sophie has a problem.  Sophie likes to bite…

Emilee got the call on a Friday.  “You need to come get Sophie, she is no longer welcome at school.”  Emilee was taken aback.  “What do you mean?” she asked.  The assistant director then explained to Emilee that Sophie had bitten another child, again, and was being expelled from school until the problem was worked out.  If it ever got worked out.

Emilee was understandably upset.  No parent wants to hear that their kid is being ejected from school.  No parent wants to hear that their kid has hurt someone else.  Furthermore, this was done without a previous word from the school, and now she has to figure out how to make sure that Sophie has someone to watch her until our summer plan can take effect.

I don’t ever want my kids to be the bully or the victim.  But, how do you work with an 18 month old who does not understand their actions?  How do you connect with your kid when you aren’t even sure of the trigger?  How do you keep from getting frustrated with the whole set of circumstances?

We think we know what is going on.  Sophie has acted like this before when she has had ear trouble.  And, it just so happens, that she is having ear trouble again.  She is set to have her tubes removed and replaced along with having her adenoids removed.  It’s a pretty big deal to be on your second set of tubes at 18 months.  We are praying that this is the fix.

But what if it isn’t; then what?  Do we muzzle her for the protection of others?  Do we get bite necklaces or a leather strap or a bullet?  How do you teach a child with zero attention span to not bite?  I already checked, and shock collars are frowned upon in this case.  Well, pretty much all cases…

If anyone out there that reads this (all two of you) has any suggestions, please let us know.  We need our children to be able to go to school and get along with the other kids.  I am already pretty sure that Sophie is going to be the leader of some biker gang one day, and would like to postpone that transition as long as possible.  I love my kids so very much.  I just wish that once in a while they could make it easy to watch them grow up!

Keep Smiling,

Rob

Tantrums & Tiggers: A Disney Fun Guide

It really shouldn’t surprise me that in the middle of exiting Space Mountain Gracie would ask “what’s next?”  I mean we just spent 90 seconds on one of the most fun rides in existence.  A ride that she screamed and giggled though all of the dips, drops, and hairpins.  A ride, I might add, that she had just ridden for the third time in 30 minutes due to Emilee’s expert use of the Fast Pass and Parent Swap system.  A ride she begged to go on, on our third day at the Magic Kingdom, after having ridden it ten times already this trip.  I know my daughter and she can be the consummate brat.  But when I explained to her that it was time to go find something that Gage and Sophie could enjoy I was a bit put off by her answer.  “I never get to do anything fun…”

I was pretty sure that Gracie was not going to make it much further in life.  She was on day four of a Disney trip and her little snot attitude was still in effect.  Plus, Emilee had the flu, Emilee’s Dad was getting sick and in full blown denial about it, and Gage and Sophie were both in the middle of a stomach bug.  I was not in a good place, and the last thing I needed was a seven year old telling me, in the middle if Disney, that she never got to anything fun.  I could hear the news teaser…

“Dad loses it at Disney and accidentally wipes out entire family wearing matching lime green Mickey shirts.  Details at Six!”

But, right before I lost it she told me she had found something she thought I would “totally love”.  She had been looking through the magic bands and had found something for me.  And, she was right!  As she took me over to the specialty bands I saw it; there was Tigger!  And, Tigger just happens to be my favorite character in the Disney world. So, in a matter of two minutes, the kid I was ready to kill was now the kid I wanted to kiss. She had actually shown me that she did look out for someone other than herself from time to time.

Her brother and sister managed to find ways to both drive us crazy and make us laugh.  It seemed like every time we were ready to pinch one of their little heads off, out of love of course, they would do something that made you laugh and smile.  The looks of awe on Gage’s face as he met the characters, or the complete vanishing act that Sophie would pull off if they ever appeared.  The amazement on their faces when they got to watch the Giraffes, Zebras, and other animals as they passed just below our balcony of the room we stayed in.  Or, the massive meltdowns they would have when they were forced to come inside. The pre-meal rages and prison riot like screaming for food, all so they could ignore 90% of the food on their plate  and then claim to be full.  Well, at least Gracie and Gage acted that way.  Sophie puts down food like some kind of Olympic athlete in training.  And, of course there was rain...

  

It seems Karma gets involved too.  After I had one of MY tantrums, Emilee, who would not know a Stormtrooper from Snuffleupagus unless I was there to point it out, was questioned by two of them! They wanted to know her part in the rebel alliance and wanted her to know that they would be “keeping an eye on her”.  All of this while I waited with a complaining Gracie and Gage for Handy Manny’s autograph.  I would have been speechless, and it was a non-event for her.  I learned my lesson after that event.  Tantrums lead to bad karma. Lol

At least we found something the kids loved every day.  Staying at Animal Kingdom gave us the benefit of the kids seeing exotic animals at breakfast, and when we came home at night.  We had our daily viewing of the many giraffes, zebras, and other African animals that would walk by our balcony every day.  Watching them get excited about each viewing and listening to their excited ramblings about what they saw was amazing.  It made you wake up happy and go to bed happy.  If you can start and end your day well it makes everything ok. It made me appreciate the good, and not remember the bad so much. 

 

Disney is a contraindication.  It is one of the most frustrating places on the planet, and one of the most rewarding.  It is a place that brings out the best and worst in your kids.  It is a place where both young and old can find something to make them happy.  And even as it completely wipes you out, you find it and your kids refilling your spirit. And I found one more pic for your entertainment...

Keep Smiling,

Rob

What Did You Expect

“Mommy, I need your phone.”  Those were the words I heard from Gage at 4:45am Saturday morning.  Emilee tried to work through the haze to tell Gage that it was too early to be up and that he needed to go to bed.  He muttered something about being bored and walked to his room.  About five minutes later he returned to tell Emilee that he needed to go to the bathroom.  She got up and helped him get his business done, and then he wandered back down the hall and finally went back to sleep.  She rolled over and asked me why he was up at 4:45am on a Saturday.  My simple reply was “what did you expect”?

You see, our kids have the amazing ability to read when we have the opportunity to sleep or relax.  The same kids that have to be pried out of bed during the week fly out of bed on the weekends.  The same kids who fight tooth and nail to get up at 6:30 and get ready for school are up and ready to go tackle any event by 5am … on the weekends.   Always with the contradictions with these two.

The same kids who can’t find a way to share a single Lego out of a thousand piece set are always found in the same bed.  The kids who can’t seem to get along can’t ever be pulled apart.  If she goes, he has to.  If he is in the middle of something she has to be right there.  If one has something, then the war starts as to why they have to have the same Capri Sun or cup, but then you look over and they are laying all over each other watching TV.

And they have started to pull Sophie into the gang.  She follows them constantly.  Sometimes you hear crying and sometimes you see sweetness.  Sometimes there are arguments, and sometimes they share wonderfully.  They read to each other, and they throw books at each other’s heads.  They fight like crazy and they already watch out for each other.  I really hope that stays intact. Too many of us start that way and drift. 

I wonder how tight Kelly and I were when we were that little.  I know we didn’t always have the best relationship, but it has gotten better over the past few years.  I hope my little guys don’t have to go through the rough spots that Kelly and I went through.  But, do know that watching my kids figure things out makes me think that they might be smarter than we were.  AT least I hope so for their sake.

We have a long way to go to see how this turns out.  I know there are going to be epic battles and I hope sincere make-ups.  Whatever they go through I hope they understand that Emilee and I are always here to take care of them.  Even if we would rather be sleeping in…

Keep Smiling,

Rob

Hand In Mouth

 “Gage got bit by Poncho.”  That’s what Kelly told me as we picked up the kids from my Mom’s.  I called to him and he came over to me so I could check it out.  He had a small puncture and a little bit of swelling between the thumb and index finger of his left hand.  Gage hasn’t quite figured out that messing with a dog while its eating is not the smart play. Emilee and I discussed whether or not he need a stich, and we decided that he was probably ok in that department.  We knew to keep an eye on it.  Dog bites, no matter how trivial, can be an infection nightmare.  So, we cleaned the area and put a Band-Aid on it.  I even messed with Kelly and told her “well, we will probably end up in the ER over this”.  Karma has a way of making you eat your words…

On Sunday morning his hand looked pretty bad.  He had more swelling, and he would look at you pitifully and say it hurt when it was touched.  So, Emilee got online and reserved us a time at the CHOA Urgent Care.  This kind of thing is where Emilee excels.  I usually look at whichever kid is hurt and tell them to “go rub some dirt on it”, or to “suck it up”.  Emilee talks to them and soothes them.  She gets the ice pack out, or in Gage’s case frozen peas, and sets them up on the couch.  She gets the Band-Aids out and tells them it will take away their pain.  She holds them tight and tells them she loves them.  Typically by the time she holds them tight they are trying to escape to go injure themselves again, but she will lovingly do it all over again when they do.

Emilee kept Gage happy until it was time to go, and then I loaded #1 and #2 into the truck and went to visit the doc.  I am not going to tell you where I went specifically. I walked in at 11:20 and walked out at 11:55.  Checked in, got registered, saw the triage nurse, saw the treatment nurse, saw the doc, and was walking out with a prescription for anti-biotics with popsicles in hand….in 35 minutes!  You guys can find this place on your own!

In that 35 minutes I learned a few things.  First, Gage will always load up his diaper when you forget to bring extras.  Gracie will always be worried about her little brother, but will be happy to let him get shots/medicine as long as she doesn’t have to get them.  Children’s Healthcare nurses and Docs are awesome at their job. And, little kids immune systems just can’t keep up sometimes.  As I discussed the bite it was made clear to me that it was probably going to get worse before it got better.  I was told what to look for and sent to get the anti-biotics.

At around 5pm we noticed that the swelling had gotten worse.  The area was hot to the touch and now there were two red streaks running up his arm.  This was getting bad fast.  We knew we had to take him to the ER.  Emilee started the calls to get someone to watch Gracie and Sophie, and I got little man ready for the trip.  I headed out with Gage and we got to Scottish Rite.  I knew it was not good, but when every nurse or doc that looks at it says it’s bad…

I was surprised at how fast we got seen.  Gage was a champ the whole time.  When the nurse and tech came in to start an IV he didn’t flinch; not even a whimper.  After they stuck him the second time to get a good IV, they drew blood and started to run labs and cultures.  They actually try to grow whatever is in his blood to see if the anti-biotics they have prescribed will kill everything.  He stayed strong, and then his momma walked in.  And Emilee got to hold him tight once again.

Eventually, we ended up staying overnight at Scottish.  He received five rounds of IV anti-biotics and went a little stir crazy in the process.  Emilee had gone home so that Sophie could be fed and managed throughout the night. When she came back the next morning I was so happy to see her.  Sometimes you don’t realize how important your family is and how much you depend on one another.  

This event made me grateful all over again to be married to such an amazing woman.  She stayed with Gage during the day and tried to keep him entertained.  After an hour of wandering, she even found “The Zone’ which is an area where the kids can run around and play.  Why no one told us that there was a playroom literally 30 feet from our room is baffling, but she made the best of it with Gage. They got to come home Monday night.

Gage’s hand is much better, and he is now on to more exciting ways of trying to maim himself.  Thanks to everyone who kept checking on us, and thanks to Edna and Emily for working with us getting kids #1 and #3 taken care of.

I want to make a point here of letting everyone know that this was an accident.  It wasn’t an attack, and it could easily have been any kid and any dog.  Kelly has beaten herself up pretty good over this.  I was pretty pissed off about the whole thing for couple of days, but I hope that time has given me some perspective.  Accidents happen, we feel awful for them happening on our watch, and then we hope to be forgiven.  Well Kelly, you’re forgiven but, don’t let it happen again!  lol

Keep Smiling,

Rob

Long Days, Short Years

Emilee hit me with the above phrase not to long ago.  I didn’t really appreciate it at the time, but the more I look at my kids growing or think about my own time on this planet, it is sinking in.  I can vividly remember feeling like the school day was never going to end, or that vacation was never going to get here.  Then BOOM, you’re a college grad and no more school (at least for a bit). BOOM, that week of vacation felt like it took merely hours.  BOOM, you are 45 and wonder “where the ^%$# has all of time gone”?

Our perspective on time is fascinating.  We never feel like we have enough time during the day to get all of our work/chores/responsibilities done.  We always feel shorted when it comes to down time. But who has time for down time when you have kids, laundry, cooking, and chores?  Not to mention the “8 hour work day” that turns into 10 to 12 hours with traffic in this city.  It becomes like Groundhog Day.  We simply get into a routine and we try not to alter it.  Schedules are good, so we have been told.  People become too busy with BS to even be honest with themselves about what they spend time on is important.

When did Gracie become this mini teenager?  I swear to you I was watching the whole time!  Yet there she stands; four feet of sass and beauty.  When did she get to be so quick?  She has the absolute ability to flip a conversation into her favor and make you think it was your own idea.  She has wit and charm and attitude, and immaturity.  It’s like watching a movie at times.  It does not seem like she should be doing anything other than being held in our arms because she can’t even hold her head up, but there she stands always ready to test your patience and intelligence.

Gage is another story.  Running face first into his terrible two’s like a person on fire runs to water, and running into every obstacle face first too. Always looking bruised and battered, the sweetest of the group on a good day turns into Satan incarnate at a moment’s notice.  Tantrums and obstinance that brings back the fond memories of his older sister losing her %^&$ at the most convenient times.  A friendly looking assassin trying to find ways to take out his younger sister while no one suspects.  The constant jabber of a kid trying to get his point across and two parents that just wish he made more sense.  I get it Gage…surrounded by women and you have no voice! Lol

And then there is Sophie.  I can clearly see the thought bubbles form over this little tormenters head, and have put together a short list…

*Mom looks like she needs some sleep, I can make sure that’s not going to happen! 

* I bet I can make everyone else in this house cry at least once today.

*Hmmm, yesterday I liked sweet potatoes.  Have to change that up today.   

* I better learn to walk soon or the clumsy one might crush me! 

All we want her to do is sleep through the night and eat consistently. Both have been battles, but I know soon we won’t remember the rough times as rough.  Soon enough I’ll be trying to threaten a boyfriend through looks alone, and I’ll miss all of this. And, I be wondering where all of the time went.

Keep Smiling,

Rob

Super Fly

For those of you that have been 3 of my avid followers since I started blogging in 2009, you will remember the day of dread that was Gracie’s ascent and then “The Decent down Mt. Cribrail”. It started a fun 18 month period in which Gracie basically refused to sleep in her own bed after I converted the crib to the toddler bed.  In her succinct opinion, I had “broken the bed” and there was no going back.  We spent the next 18 months fighting the battle of sleeping on her floor (defeat), spending all hours of the night putting her back into her bed (defeat), and finally accepting the fact that she would be sleeping with the dogs in our floor (victory?). Well the fun is about to begin again; someone has gone mountaineering again.

No one in this house sleeps! Sophie can't figure out day and night, and refuses to take a bottle. So , of course I am the evil one because I can't lactate.  Trust me, If i could I would get my nipples waxed so Sophie had a clear path and Emilee could get some rest. 

Gracie, as ever, is a horrible sleeper.  We could always depend on the Golden Boy though! Gage would go to sleep at 7pm and we were good until at least 7am.  He may get up, but he was always able to entertain himself and would eventually fall back asleep.  Until he went full blown Jimmy Snuka Monday night.

They called him “Super Fly” because he would launch himself off of the top rope onto his wrestling opponents.  When Gracie decided to go over the top, she did so by climbing on items in the crib and rolling herself over the top.  Not Gage! We heard the first thump and by the time we got to the stairs he was at the top looking down at us; mocking us.  We knew we were jobbed at that point.  But I thought we might still have some options.  I could remove everything from the crib and he would not be able to climb out.  That theory was quickly shot down when I realized there was nothing in his crib at the time of escape.

Emilee and I did some frantic brain storming and realized that the pack and play was deeper than the crib and would give us a stop gap.  At least we would have a couple of days to get the conversion kit order and maybe get one or two nights sleep before nighttime got super difficult again.  So, I set up the pack and play, anchored it, placed our sweet little angel in it and exited the room.  We have a video monitor and were watching smugly as we thought we had the issue solved.   That’s when we watched him bow his legs, jump, pull with his arms, and launch himself over the top rail.  I was proud and deeply saddened at the same time. The only thing missing was Roddy Piper laying on the mat getting a flying head butt!

So now we live in a world in which Gage is free to roam at night… And, he knows how to take off his diaper now… And, he’s not even interested in potty training.

No one will be safe; not me, not you, no one!

Keep Smiling,

Rob 

Head First

I guess it’s called being a boy.  Head first into everything.  Apparently no fear.  Boo boo’s and bleeding soon forgotten.  As long as I can climb it, I will try.  As long as I’m still conscious, I will plot the next challenge. As long as I can walk away, I will try it again.  As long as mom doesn’t decide to wrap me in bubble wrap and duct tape me to the couch, I will try dumb things.  I am boy, hear me cry; at least until I forget it hurts.

I mean, aren’t we raised to believe in the words of Shane Falco….

              

At least that’s what we start to believe as we get into organized sports and start to want to impress our friends and those of the opposite sex. We are basically wired for it.  The bigger the gash, the more stitches (stitches are cool).  The bigger the cast, the more people can sign.  The more bone poking out… Well that one actually hurts for real.

I want Gage to be a devil may care type of individual.  I want him to take chances, within reason, and I want him to feel like anything is possible. But, I would also like him to have all of his teeth and not have any permanent facial scars at the old age of two.  I would like to see him not truly disfigure himself until he decides that the tattoo/piercing life is for him. His constant desire to run headlong into anything, like Gracie on the swing, is going to make that a tight race.

I also want Emilee to feel secure in the fact that Gage is not trying to kill himself, or kill her via heart attack.  His back-flips, which don’t quite have full rotation yet, off of the couch or his head first forays onto the dog crates cause her to believe that he really does have a death wish.  I know that we are simply dealing with a kid that does not know that pain hurts yet.  We typically don’t learn that lesson until we hit about 30 and are still trying to play in pick up football games; or so I have been told. But, Emilee doesn’t fully trust that Gage is firing on all cylinders.  And, that’s because of Gracie.

She may strike a tough pose from time to time, but Gracie is the kind of kid that if she even thinks she might fall she wants to go ahead and prophylactically place the Band-Aid.  We have 18 different ice packs at home, all princess themed, because of her.  A simple fall and the following conversation happens:

AG: Daddy I fell and have blood.

Me: Have blood?

AG: Can’t you I have blood pouring through my skin?

Me: You mean the red spot?
AG: DADDY! I am bleeding to death and need a Band-Aid.

                                                  Me: Of course you do.

Band-Aid is then applied and all is well. I’m pretty sure the kid could have a compound fracture and a Band-Aid would make the pain go away.

But Gage is a different animal. I think he actually likes the taste of his own blood. He busted his lip pretty good, and after 30 seconds of good old crying, he realized that he could suck on his lip and taste it.  Then he would smile! Reminded me of me. Seriously, what true guy hasn’t done the same thing?  I just hope he doesn’t decide to try “other brands”.  The dogs and his sisters might be in trouble.

Keep Smiling,

Rob

               

 PS – I am still considering the Bazaar.