I just read another one of Lynn's blogs and it got me fired up! Many of you may find this hard to believe, but I keep my mouth shut way more often than I run it when my opinion may cause conflict. I love conflict normally. But lately I have tried to monitor what comes out of my mouth. It keeps me out of trouble at home, and it keeps my blood pressure at respectable levels. Anyway, I really liked reading Lynn describe how she cleared the air. SO hear it goes.
Whether some of you realize it or not, you are not the sole authority on how children should be raised. You may be the authority on how you and your spouse raise your children, but you are not going to be my Dr Spock. If you don't know who he is, just know he is not a Vulcan. Those of you that don't have children have great theories but you know even less than I do at this point in time. I know you offer your theories out of love and helpfulness. I know you want the best for us. I know you drive me and Emilee up the wall. We have a plan, and you don't have to agree with it. Don't worry, if we raise the next Jeffery Dahmer, you can come rub your advice in my face. Fair Deal?
Emilee and I are going to have to both work. We like our lifestyle and have the jobs to be able to make a two income family work. But because of our ideas I have heard theories ranging from:
1. If I love my wife and kid(s) I'll figure out how to make more money so E can stay at home.
2. Any time spent in day care is emotionally crippling to a child. We should be ashamed of ourselves because we will be abusing our child.
3. A woman's place is in the home and she should be ashamed of herself for wanting a career.
4. God's plan indicates that the woman be at home and the man is out earning for the family.
5. Why would Emilee trust YOU with the child care?
Now I can already picture the faces in about 10 of ya'll. I love all of you dearly, I really do. But I will mess up my kids my way, you mess up your kids your way. Now onto my defense against the above theories.
I love Emilee more than any other woman I have ever known (Sorry Mom!) and I would do whatever it took to provide for my family. We have actually pre-planned this scenario. But as of right now Emilee feels like she is going to want to work. Second, I see more emotionally retarded people that came from private/home schooling and nanny care than I could ever count. Children need to learn to be social. Keeping them boarded up in the house because you are afraid to teach and release them is a commentary on your own insecurities. Please do not push them onto me.
I really do not want to touch on "the woman's place is in the home". It scares me as a topic because I will catch crap from either side. Let's just say that I think Emilee will make the right decision. I have covered what God does when we tell him our plans, so how the hell do I know what God's plan for me is. I know, read the Bible. So whose translation should I believe, the Pope's or Jim Baker's? Finally, Emilee trusts me with child care because she has no other options!
I have received great insight into being a new father from Topper, Trevor, and Justin. They all have given me very honest unbiased advice. I have received encouragement from Mom and my other dads. I have read books on how to raise a happy secure child. You know what I have learned from all of this? Everyone is guessing!!!!!! It is a day to day effort and you just hope you do your best. I promise all of you that are worried about us and love us; we are going to do our best.
We are going to make decisions about our family that don't make you happy. We are going to raise our children in ways different than what you may feel appropriate. We are going to make mistakes and you will have the opportunity to tell me, I do not recommend you tell Emilee, that you told me so. And I will have the opportunity to tell some of you to *&%$ Off! That's because that's what friends do. I don't want the advice and opinions to stop, just lay off with the judgment.
Stay Safe,
Rob
The way you and Emilee chose to raise your children is your business and no one else's, I like to tell people if they want to throw in a opinion, start helping pay for the kids, otherwords, shut the hell up. No one has the right to pass judgement on anyone else's decisions much less yours and Emilee's. Because here is one important fact: our child, at some point in their lives start making their own decisions and those decisions are their responibility and the parents cannot be blamed contrary to what Oprah would have you believe, and they are going to make some dumbass decisions, it's called growing up. Hopefully you taught them how to pick themselves up and dust themselves off. It cannot be blame on what religion they were taught/not taught, stayed at home with mom/went to daycare or whether daddy loved them enough. The responsibility lies solely on the shoulders of that child. Sometimes I wonder if the men and women that fought and dealt with WWII look at the last generations in complete distain. Although, I do wonder why Emilee does trust you with a child, lol. There are many times a day that I question the decisions I make toward my children, in retrospect, some good, some bad and that is called being a parent.
ReplyDeleteDuh dude! You decided to put your lives out there for everyone to read and comment on. Did you not think this was going to happen? Maybe I am wrong, but I get that you are pretty frustrated with folks and there advice. What did you think was going to happen when you decided to do this bro? We can all stop reading and commenting on your blog if you want? OK EVERYONE! Let's try to give heartfelt advice without Rob taking it as being judgmental! You know I'm teasing. :)- lol. MG
ReplyDeleteForgot to mention this too, as new parents, you will realize that everyone else's kids are fucked up anyway and that 'you' obviously have it figured out, LMAO!!!
ReplyDeleteMatt, I welcome any and all comments that i receive coming from this blog. However, when it is a topic of conversation every time I am around certain people it becomes tiresome. Some people have agendas whether they realize it or not. Matt, you and I have had many conversations over the past 20 years where we have tried to sway the other. We do respect the right of the other to carry their own opinion though. Many of the conversations I have with people, you and Jill included, are more like propaganda attacks than conversation. You have definitely heard me go off on subjects like everyone else is a moron, and I have THE answer; I am not innocent. Recently much of the advice from friends and family has come across more as admonishment. You know I am not thin skinned about most subject but do have my triggers.
ReplyDeleteJust a few thoughts here Bubba -
ReplyDeleteFirst, I would agree with MG that if you don't want to hear the input, stop putting your thoughts and life out there for public response.
Second, don't claim to want wise council or input, then reject it out of hand because it doesn't meet your preconceived ideas or decisions that you have alread made. If you are looking for people to re-affirm your opinions or decisions, say so. Otherwise, don't bitch.
Lastly, if all of the advice you are getting seems to be "admonishment", there may be something to it unless, of course, it is part of the vast right-wing conspiracy. The fact that you disagree with it doesn't mean it is wrong, just that you don't agree.
The truth be known, the rest of the world really doesn't care too much what your triggers are. The few that do should have the courage to disagree with you if they are offering what YOU asked for (vs. butting in).
No one has the answer to raising kids because no two are the same. Get over it and do your best. With The Lord's help, you'll do okay. Without it, you'll fail. Either way, we'll still love you. Don't confuse love with like though. They are two different thins. :o)
'Noid
Every child is different, and responds differently to different things!!!!! And in my opinion...people who have never experienced raising children, should not voice their opinion on how they should be raised. Their opinion does not count. Some people just like to hear their own voices. When it comes time for them to have kids...they are going to be like deer caught in headlights! It will be your comic relief! As far as advice from me goes....If you need to know how to get puke out of your uniform shirt...lemme know.
ReplyDeleteWhether he thought or knew "this was going to happen" or that he put his "life out there for public response" the bottom line is this, unless you are in his shoes, in his financial situation, employment status or have their exact pesonal beliefs, your 'opinion' on how Rob and Emilee should raise THEIR child is mute. No matter how well you think you know them. Raising a child has taught me this from the time I decided in my mind (without my wife's input, first mistake) is far different then how I actually do, simply because raising a child is a constantly evolving process, plus you have to include a variable, the child's own personality which is present for day one. That child might not be down with all your plans.
ReplyDeleteNow I know Rob can be sensitive to certain subjects and it can be very easy to push his buttons, I like to think I can do it pretty easliy and try to do so when Im bored on the truck. Nevertheless, saying that this is the way it should be done instead of giving advice such as "this worked well for my wife and I" is rude and mainly insulting to both Rob and Emilee.
How to say some this with out sounding overly defensive is a tough task. I do want to say that I try not to dismiss advice and council out of hand. Noid, you have given me some very wise council over the years and I have followed most of it. Sometimes we just have to go our separate way no matter how dumb the choice ends up being. I enjoy advice, I just try to look at the giver.
ReplyDeleteI also have been receiving "council" since WAY before I made my thoughts on the matter public. I do need and cherish everyone's thoughts. I am much more open minded about most things than those I usually confer with. I choose the people I surround myself with carefully. They are honest, intelligent, and caring. If I did not choose to be challenged on my ideas Matt, Justin, Noid, and others would never be presented with them. I am very open to change, just ask Emilee.
As far as a right wing conspiracy goes....I would buy into it being a left wing conspiracy.
Justin thanks for having my back, and Kelly I have always found peroxide to work wonders on all body fluids.
Just let me know if there is anything I can do to help. I love you guys and am so excited about her arrival!
ReplyDeleteWe're out. We love you both. M&J
ReplyDeleteYou and Emilee will do fine. There is no perfect way to raise a child, and anyone who thinks there is is nuts! It is a matter of trial and error. There are no pat answers.
ReplyDeleteIf the time you spend with your child is filled with love and teaching the values you believe in you can't go too wrong. Of course
your grown up child may not always agree with your values. Your baby turns out to be a person after all.
Just take a deep breath and relax. Believe it or not, we all fly by the seat of our pants where parenthood is concerned. You do the best you can. Giggy
Wow, I am glad my family is not the only one with issues! All kids are different! All kids respond diferently to different parenting styles. You can't really learn how to be a parent froma book, you just have to do it and go with your gut! I know if I had to stay home with the kids I would go crazy, call me a bad mother if you want but I love my job and it is definatly a break from my kids and I am sure my kids love a break from me too. Kids going to daycare and private providers do turn out normal. They learn to socialize with others. You have to do what you guys think is right not what others think is right for you! You sound way too stressed out about this. Just take it one day at a time and everything will work out, your blood pressure is probably boiling. Finding great childcare is a hard issue but if you research all the options and find somewhere you are comfortable with then everyone ( you, Emilee and the baby will be happy). I chose a friend to watch our baby and she is like one of their family with a 24/48 shift we definatly need a great care giver, why not find someone who will treat your child like their own. Our youngest has 2 families. The saying, "It takes a village to raise a child" I think is true, first though it takes 2 great parents and the rest of the viallage following whether the villagers are family or not doesn't really matter. 1 thing I have learned over the years though is don't allow your children around those who talk badly about you or your wifes parenting styles in front of the child. Anone who tries to turn a child against their parent is a piece of **** anyway. You guys will be great parents. You both need to trust your instincts stay on the same page as one another, suport eachother and ignore everyone else!
ReplyDeleteI am very pleased and sad about the response this subject has received. Pleased because it got people involved and sad because it really affected some people in a way not intended. I apologize to those of you that felt as if I do not care for your opinions or for your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteFirst let me address a simple thing. I WANT all of the opinions and thoughts. I try to learn through others, and if I limit the input I get then I limit the learning. So please do not stop commenting on the blog and please do not quit giving me your personal advice.
Second, a few of you viewed the blog and some comments as a personalized attack on you. I understand the feeling because I often feel that way about certain topics. However, I was reminded today that we often speak in generalities and it is our own view point that changes it into a personal matter.
Third, I am glad that this subject touches home with so many. I deal with so many parents that could care less about the way they parent. I am happy to know that those of you that I did manage to irritate have strong beliefs in right and wrong. I know that I do.
Please continue to post your comments or send me personal emails as you all have in the past. I thoroughly enjoy writing these little articles and I look forward to the response each one generates. Just sometimes I get to much of what I want.