Confessions Of An Ambulance Driver I

***ALERT*** ***ALERT*** ***ALERT***

This is not a baby blog; it is a rant about my profession. If you want an unbiased and probably controversial (to some anyway) look at what it is I do, then keep reading.

For those of you that are not aware of what I do, I am a Paramedic. The first thing that people think about when they here that term is "Ambulance Driver". Some in my profession take offense to that term; I do not. It is technically a true term and is what I do for a portion of my day. I take pride in the fact that I can drive, run the siren, read a map, make a left hand turn from the right hand lane, and scream at idiot drivers all at the same time. I like backing up traffic on the interstate for 6 miles because someone is having 10/10 neck pain from a motor vehicle crash (MVC) and there is ZERO damage to the car.

There are other things I love about my job. I like that when I get to the scene of an emergency I am generally in charge. I love delivering babies and holding little old ladies hands when they are sick or hurt. I love listening to the 80'ish year old men tell me stories about their tours in World War II. We had one last week who told Justin that he had been at Bastogne during the Battle of the Bulge. Justin asked him what he remembered about it; "it was too cold to dig" was his answer. We get to help people when really scary, awful, unspeakable things have happened to them. We get to play the angel.

I have seen things that you only see in the movies. In March of 2006 I walked in to a scene that looked like it had been created for a horror movie. Four brutally murdered and two that survived but should have died. If it had not been for the first crews on scene, those two would have been dead as well. The scene itself was surreal, but everyone handled themselves professionally. The company I work for even had a person quit over what they had seen. It was his first month on the job. I hope I never see worse.

But I have seen crazier! People who pepper sprayed themselves because one of their voices told them to do so. One guy who had us take him into Grady because he wanted a DNA test to prove that his penis was his own! He thought the aliens had switched it out. People who were conscious and able to wrestle with the cops with a blood alcohol level of over 400! The 0.10 you hear about blowing for a DUI equals a 100 blood alcohol level. These people are absolute drinking pros.

What I hate is the attitude that we get dished out to us every day. People who tell us that they understand they don't need an ambulance and could easily take a cab except for one thing; they have to PAY for the cab. I have heard that more than once too. I hear people bitch and moan about aches and pains that in no way exist. I know this because they don't have any pain until I start asking questions. I have had people tell me they were suffering from neck pain after an MARTA bus got rear ended. When I probed deeper I found out that the "patient" had been on the sidewalk and WITNESSED the accident! He said the stress of the episode made him hurt.

We deal with drivers who do not understand what to do when an emergency vehicle approaches them. First, get off the cell phone. Second, put down the newspaper, book, sandwich, make-up, or whatever you have to occupy yourself while you are driving. Third, if you have already moved to your left and I am going by you, don't decide to move across my line because you think you remember the "move right" rule. Fourth, don't just jam on the brakes. Fifth, if the siren is in the wrong language move back home.

We deal with other EMS providers that hate EMS. I am talking about the Fire Department. Now I am lucky, I work in a city (Sandy Springs) that takes pride in the EMS care its FD provides and the medical directors and Fire Chiefs do not tolerate slack behavior. However, I have worked with too many that have the attitude that "We put the wet stuff in the hot stuff, not carry the sick around." It gets very irritating. I have to deal with questions like; "Do you guys need us, they dispatched a dumpster fire down the street?" I was actually doing chest compressions when that question was asked! And those of you that know me well know that I hate being questioned when I feel I am right, especially by those who don't want to be there in the first place.

My last gripe here is going to be about a certain ilk of emergency room nurse. Fortunately none of the crew that reads this blog fits into that RN category. I know you are overworked and you get the biggest cry babies parked in your zone for your entire shift. I know that we (EMS) only have to deal with these people, especially the regulars, for a much shorter period of time than you do. I know that you think we drive around yelling over the PA encouraging people to come into your ER, and that's why that patient is now yelling your name because they don't think they are getting taken care of fast enough. But, I promise you I don't. We take people to specific hospitals because they either want to go there or they need your specialty. So when you ask "Why did you bring him here, Northside is across the street." Don't be pissed at me because the answer is simply that he fell down in YOUR ambulance bay!

To those of you I work with and laugh with; thank you for making my job an enjoyable one. To those of you that smoke, drive recklessly, and do generally retarded things; thank you for my job security. To those of you that listen to me bitch & moan; thank you for helping me keep my sanity. And to the woman that pepper sprayed herself in the face; thanks for helping me meet Emilee.


Stay Safe,

Rob